When I read scripture pertaining to my "temple", it says that God wants us to have peace in our lives. But I just couldn't seem to find that. Why? Because I kept comparing myself to what the world says people should look instead of trying to look more like Christ. Theses thoughts were contrary to God's word and therefore, stole my joy and peace. This concerns God. This hindered my ability to do what God has called me to do. This thinking was killing me.
But how do I know what is a right way to live a healthy life, meaning having a healthy relationship with food, and what way is wrong? I believe that it boils down to what is the reason I want to lose weight, how am I going to achieve weight loss and who am I before, during and after weight loss? Simple? Maybe, but I think this is much deeper. I believe there are biblical principles that I must follow in order to do this the right way.
So what is the reason that you want to lose weight. Jesus stated, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to finish His work." John 4:34. So I have to ask myself, am I wanting to lose the weight for the world, or because of the way God calls me to treat the temple? For me, being in my eating disorder was never about God. It was always about food. I thought about food so much so, that it consumed me. So I knew I needed to be careful about what I was about to undertake. I had gone through treatment, now I needed to find a balance and a right way to do what I know is right.
Now I don't mean thinking about just eating food, it was an obsession for me. I thought about what food was good, what was bad, where we were going to eat, how was I going to manage eating out and then acting in my behaviors. How would I be able to eat and not have my family know what I was doing. I would say I thought about food about 85-90% of the time. I worked during all this time as well so that meant trying to juggle my disorder while hiding it from everyone and still maintaining my life.
This meant that there wasn't much time to think about what God had called me to do or about the gifts He had given me that were to be used to further His kingdom. About why and how food was to be consumed. I didn't find joy in Him, I found it in food and in my disorder, but in order for me to be truly healthy and recover fully, I needed to restore a right relationship with food. That means I needed to retrain my brain after all these years of disordered thinking when it come to food, and use God's word and my dietician to help me create a right relationship, ordered thinking, and balance when it comes to food. That isn't easy in our American culture right now. Bigger, more and richer is what we do. So how was I going to find that healthy balance? In God's word.
God created food for us to enjoy, to provide nutrients and energy for daily living. Food is needed to repair our bodies and for our bodies to be able to rebuild themselves. Its when we begin to eat for reasons other that what God intended that it becomes a problem. Food was never meant to control us. That is why we are encouraged to, "lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race set before us." Hebrews 12:1. That means I must be willing to lay aside what I have thought for so many years about food and to run to what God says is a right relationship with food.
So this being said, how can I then find a correct relationship with food and apply it in a way that helps me to supply the needs of my body and to help me be at a weight that is healthy? I believe the only way I can do this is to use a biblical approach that will guide me to reach that goal. I have read all kinds of weight loss books, joined weight loss programs, and paid all kinds of money trying to achieve what I wanted. Its crazy to think all the while, it was right there in front of me. In the bible. I didn't need some so called expert to tell me what to do. Its all in the bible. In Proverbs 23:1-3 it tells us how we are to eat. We are to eat with self control and to eat wisely.
I needed to learn to eat without fear or anxiety. That is not how God intended it to be. I needed to learn to choose my food wisely and to not eat to much. I am so privileged that I live in a country where I have so many good food choices. That in and of itself is a great blessing. Secondly, I am responsible to ensure that the foods I am choosing for myself are ones that are going to help my body and not hurt it. The more I choose foods in there natural state, the better my body can begin to learn the signal of satisfaction. Eating processed, chemical laden pre-packaged food is only going to mess me up more. These foods may make you feel full but they never really satisfy. I think this is why we crave them and then eat them in amounts that are clearly unhealthy.
So I began learning about the foods that I regularly turn to and what type of affect they have on me when I eat them. I noticed that when I ate certain things, I become to sluggish, so I tried to change up how much of those foods I was eating. Trying new, whole or raw foods, that means food close to its natural state, and seeing how your body feels. Be mindful if you have certain food allergies and avoid things that may cause you problems. Eat the food in its most natural, raw state. You get the most nutrients that way. That is in most cases except for meat.
Gluttony is a sin. When we eat a food to access, that is being gluttonous. We must eat with self control. That is hard when you are just starting out, especially if eating all the time was a habit. You didn't eat when you were hungry, you just ate to eat. So learning to eat when your body is hungry is something that will take time. I have been eating at certain times of the day, times that I decided, which is about every 3-4 hours. By doing this, I am resetting my internal signals. This is helping my body to relearn its natural hunger ques.
When I was eating the way I was before, I wasn't in a state of alertness, This means my judgment was impaired and I wasn't able to make right choices. "For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness with clothe a man with rags." Proverbs 23:21 I couldn't make right food choices or eat the way God called me to because I was drunk on food so to speak. In order for me to hear God, I need to be alert but when you have a food addictions, you can't hear the Holy Spirit when he gently nudges you. You are in what I like to call, a "food fog." Not a good thing when one is trying to feed the temple.
Lastly today I am going to talk about my identity. I am called by God to walk the way Christ walked. I am a child of God and therefore called to live my life according to His will and purpose. My true identity is in Him. With my disorderly thinking about food, I was out of control. Food was what was controlling my life, not me and more importantly, not God. Because of this, although I was desperately trying to lose weight, I just kept gaining. I no longer was in control of the disorder but it was now controlling me. I lost my identity, who I am, who God called me to be.
Learning that who I am, my true identity, found only in Christ, is what has lead me out of that disordered thinking. My chance to hear that still small voice came on August 11th, 2014 when I lay in the emergency room thinking that this was it. I was not going to make it. Realizing that I had been slowly killing myself because I had lost who I was. God spoke to me and told me to tell the truth, to seek help and to turn back to Him. You know what, He was right.
I had to admit my problem, be honest with the Dr., nurses, my husband, co-workers, myself and then most importantly, to admit my weakness to God. I cried out to Him in my time of need. I began to pray and spend time in His word again. And guess what, daily He spoke to me. It was really quiet at first, because I was struggling to let go. Struggling with not being, "in control." But in this, I learned to let go of the thinking that was killing me. I learned to leave all of my burdens at the cross and to lean completely on my heavenly Father.
Letting go meant learning to love me to. Just that way I am. Not thin or fat, rich or poor, smart, pretty, none of those things that the world says I have to be in order to be of worth. I began to learn that my body, no matter what it looks like, is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I am learning that I can love me right where I am. And I am learning that this journey will be for a lifetime. There are no quick fixes, like the ones that got me to this place. It is going to take time, but I know that with Christ, all things are possible. I may never be what the world calls beautiful, and who really wants to be, but I will be what my Father created me to be. I am a child of God, I am beautiful, I am loved.
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