It is Christmas eve. The day before the big day. The day when people are running around for those last minute gifts, starting on preparations for the holiday meal with family and friends, anticipating the joyful gatherings, and than there are those who aren't.
Each holiday season, there are people who are not in the spirit. They dread this time of year for numerous reasons. Maybe from a childhood memory of something not so great. Maybe because they have lost someone who meant so much to them, and maybe, just maybe, they don't like Christmas because its a holiday they have to work year in and year out.
Whatever the reason, there are those who wait with anticipation for this holiday to just be done. No more music, lights, trees, and merry Christmas. They just want to go back to the way life was before the holidays. They dread and maybe even hate this time of year. There are just as many reasons they dread it, as there are reasons people love it. No matter the reason, its their truth.
The first year after my daddy died, I dreaded the holidays, and with Christmas being the worst. My dad loved Christmas. He loved being together with family, enjoying the meal, but his favorite part was seeing all the kids open their gifts. It was what made him smile from ear to ear.
My dad was always a very generous man. He would help anyone in need. Even while he was going through chemo, he would spend those hours hooked up to the medicine, sharing Jesus with people. He would talk to them like nothing was even wrong. He would tell jokes, and help them to smile.
My dad hated to see people sad, and didn't like when family would fight with each other. Some of his last words to me were, "please don't let this family fall apart. Do what you can to hold all of you together." Poor daddy would be so saddened by what our family has become. He would just be heart broken to know that we no longer speak to each other and the thought of doing Christmas together, well that's an impossible one. Dad of course would disagree. He would say that God could make it happen. Just trust in Him.
He loved the Lord and knew that Christ's birth was the true reason for the season and he wanted others to know that kind of joy. He loved sharing Christ with others so that they to could have the joy and hope he had. My dad even shared his faith with others at the treatment center while he was going through chemo that last year of his life. He would ask, "Do you know where your going? Do you know Jesus." He never let go of his faith, and even at the end, he was so excited to see Jesus.
On the first Christmas after he passed, I knew that life was forever changed. Because of the conflict when daddy passed, I would not be with my side of the family this first year. There would be no one I could talk to about the deep loss we were all feeling. You know, only someone who has known a person as you have, could truly understand the loss you are feeling. Now I'm not saying my hubby didn't understand or wasn't there, it is just different than what you share as siblings when it comes to memories.
So with dread, and what felt like a dead heart, I trudged through the first Christmas with a, "fake it until you make it," smile plastered to my face. I said all the right things, and participated in all the Christmas merry making, all the while feeling dead inside and so false. I was happy my children and grandchildren where there and that they were enjoying the season, and I loved being around my other family, it was just difficult and unless you have been through this, you wouldn't understand what I am saying.
So the first one passed and I kept telling myself, next year will be better. It was a little better, but there was still that sadness. It crept in when I wasn't looking, and I would find myself sad again, crying in the shower, or while I was wrapping gifts. This has repeated itself each year, but with each year there is a little less pain. Don't get me wrong, it still has a sting and the longing you feel for the way things used to be, I don't think every really goes away, but like a long worn favorite pair of jeans, it fades slightly with each passing year.
This year I face the holiday once again. It is not as bad this year, but still there. I miss my dad and my family so very much, but you see, some families never recover from the loss of a loved one. Some split up and never talk again. They all go their separate ways. Its like as if when the patriarch or matriarch passes, there isn't that same glue to hold the family together. The once giant, joyous gatherings are a thing of the past.
Life from that point on is changed. People loose touch, family doesn't talk, and life grows farther apart. The sadness from the loss begins to grow until the chasm between family seems unbridgeable. But it isn't. That distance is not the be all end all. Its just distance. Just like the distance you have when traveling for vacation. Its long, and it will take time to get there, but you do it because you know you will enjoy it.
Its that same with family. You are traveling a distance, bridging the gap, making amends, and finding the joy of the season again. That chasm can be bridged, that broken can be mended, that family tie can be retied. This year, why not reach out again? Make a leap and try to mend the differences that split you up. Say your sorry if that's what it takes. Extend the olive branch. Reach out to that long lost family member.
Think about what that loved one would want, or what they would say about how things are now. What would they want you to do? Would they want the anger, the hurt, the grudges, or would they want the peace, the love and the closeness. Go ahead, what do you have to loose? Try to mend that relationship. Its a season of miracles, a season of giving, and a season of receiving. After all, "Tis the Season."
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Sunday, December 22, 2019
A strong woman!!!
I always write about inspirational things. Things to help lift others up. To inspire them to hold onto hope. To know that there are better days coming. But what happens when you don't feel that? When no matter what others tell you, you tell yourself, you feel hopeless, worn out, and just plain tired?
I know I have a choice. I decide how I want my actions or feelings to be. I can give in, give up, or keep going. I can stay where I am at in that feeling, or I can choose to move past it. It really is up to me.
Well I'm going to tell you today that whatever you are feeling, its okay to feel that. We have been told to suppress certain feelings, emotions, or thoughts. Told that its all going to be okay, and things will get better, but guess what? Sometimes they don't. Sometimes we have to go through something for a long while. It lasts much longer than we expected, wanted, or needed. Or so we think.
Mine right now is struggling with loss this year. I lost my dear, sweet Aunt Sharon in the beginning of this year. Lost a part of myself in April when I had to have surgery. Lost my mobility when my knee decided to go bad this summer. Lost a dear friend in October. Loss of what I thought would be my, Rest of my life job." The deepest loss came in November. The loss of our beautiful, faithful, lovable fur baby Zuni.
Now don't you think that I deserve to cry? To sit down and say I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. Well I did let me tell you. I cried, I ranted, I was angry, sad, confused and darn right rebellious. I was mad at everything and everyone. My poor husband took the brunt of all of this, but what's new? He usually does.
I called my mom up last week and cried all the way home from work with her. I was super upset about a lot of things. I told her I do not think I can continue doing what I am doing. You know what she told me???? She said, " listen here sister. We come from a long line of strong women. Women who went through hardships you and I will never experience. Hardships like the great depression, the loss of parents, dropping out of school to work to help support their siblings, and raising children, grandchildren, and helping others all on their own."
She went on to say, " I never saw my mom cry about what she had to do, or the things she lost, or the things she never got to do. She just got up everyday and did what needed to be done." She said, "grandma had to help raise her siblings which meant she didn't get to be a child. My sisters helped raise me so they had to grow up fast. You helped me with raising your sister and brother so that I could work three jobs to support you guys and give you the things you wanted and needed."
She told me how she knows that there were tears. They just weren't done publicly and no one really knew about it. She reminded me of the divorces, single parenting, health issues, and the list goes on, that these women in my life had endured. My tears began to slow, and I realized that she was right.
My grandmother, my mom's mom, put herself through nursing school while raising her children alone. She had to quit school when she was younger in order to work and help her father to raise her siblings because her mother had died of dust pneumonia when she was little. She worked 2 jobs and went to school to become a nurse. Once a nurse, she worked nights because she made more. She also took care of my sister and I and my cousins at different times.
My aunt Sandy raised her son, moved away to California, battled cancer and survived, moved across country to marry the man she loved, and works with hospice as a volunteer, as well as being an amazing Sentsy consultant.
My aunt Sharon married my uncle Bob, moved wherever his military career took him, including some countries we would never think of living in now, and raised all of her children and adopted another to raise, as well as all of the other wonderful things she did.
My aunt Phyllis was a strong women who raised her children, worked hard, and was a very strong and independent woman.
My mom raised us when she could, worked hard, gave us more than most kids had because we had horses, we were in 4H, rodeo, and had a nice home. She taught me how to keep a clean house, be compassionate towards those less fortunate than us, and to always be kind.
My aunt Jeannie taught me how to be a good mother, wife, and daughter. She helped build and run a business with my uncle Doug, started her own business in daycare, raised 5 beautiful, strong, amazing, independent, accomplished women as well as taking me on as a 6th daughter.
My aunt Mary who poured into my life the love of God. My faith and strength are due to her loving guidance. She showed me how to be a lady, have respect, and to love myself.
My Grandma Harper, who was also a nurse. She taught me that love is for a lifetime, how to be a good mother, wife, and grandmother. How to love, be compassionate, be caring, and most importantly, how to forgive.
So to wrap this up, my mom in that conversation reminded me that these women all faced their own trials. Things that no one else will ever know. They faced adversity, cruelty, grief, hardship, and things that most people would have thrown the towel in for. They did it and did not complain. Their tears were hidden, most likely in their pillows, or in the shower, or like me, in the car as they drove.
Tears do not mean we are weak, they mean we are strong, compassionate, passionate, faithful, caring, loving, and very capable women. So today I want to encourage you if only a little bit. Those little things, big things, seemingly insurmountable things, are just that. Things. They will pass, we will endure, come out stronger on the other side and realize, we are a STRONG WOMAN!!! Be strong, be fierce, love, laugh, and be happy, sad, mad, or whatever you need to do you!
Monday, September 23, 2019
Overwhelmed to Overcomer
John 16:33. "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Romans 8:37. " But in all things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us."
1 John 4:4. "You are from God, Child, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you that he who is in the world."
Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Like everything that could go wrong, is going wrong? Like you can't do one thing right, and life is just to much?
Well I have. Just this past weekend I felt that way. I guess the entire week felt that way. This was because I had thought that what I was told was true, only to find out I was wrong. This was such a disappointment to me, like being slapped in the face.
I was expecting something to happen to me that would be a culmination of all I have worked so hard for in the last 2 months. When I was told that what I did was not enough, was not what they wanted or expected, I felt like such a failure. I let the devil sneak in and whisper all the lies I have heard all my life.
He, the devil, likes to lie to us and drag us backwards. He likes to remind us of all our failures, shortcomings, or just to make us feel un-worthy and overwhelmed. He does not want us to believe what God has promised us in the verse's above.
Our minds can confuse us and make us think that we are not good enough, that we are somehow deserving of suffering, punishment, or just wrongdoing. We must lean into God, pray, turn these thoughts over to Him. God is always willing to listen to our prayers and to intercede if needed.
When we change our stinking thinking, God can work in our lives and change or tears to joy, our sorrow to gladness, and our failures to triumph. We have a choice. We can let the battle field of the mind become the victory of the Lord. We can put on the armor of God, and we can march against the negative thoughts that invade and overwhelm.
The armor of God will keep us safe. It keeps us from the flaming arrows that are launched at us daily. We must stand in the righteousness that protects us against anything the devil may throw our way. We are warriors and we are protected by the army of the Lord. We do not stand alone, but with an army surrounding us and protecting us from the evil of the devil if we will only call out to God and leave it all to God.
We will find that we will go from being totally overwhelmed by the things of this world, to being overcomers of the lies, the past, the disappointments that may come from whatever life brings. We are more than our minds might want us to believe, we are the greatness the Lord designed us to be. We are His daughters and sons and we are here for a reason. Be open to whatever God calls you to and walk boldly into it.
Romans 8:37. " But in all things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us."
1 John 4:4. "You are from God, Child, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you that he who is in the world."
Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Like everything that could go wrong, is going wrong? Like you can't do one thing right, and life is just to much?
Well I have. Just this past weekend I felt that way. I guess the entire week felt that way. This was because I had thought that what I was told was true, only to find out I was wrong. This was such a disappointment to me, like being slapped in the face.
I was expecting something to happen to me that would be a culmination of all I have worked so hard for in the last 2 months. When I was told that what I did was not enough, was not what they wanted or expected, I felt like such a failure. I let the devil sneak in and whisper all the lies I have heard all my life.
He, the devil, likes to lie to us and drag us backwards. He likes to remind us of all our failures, shortcomings, or just to make us feel un-worthy and overwhelmed. He does not want us to believe what God has promised us in the verse's above.
Our minds can confuse us and make us think that we are not good enough, that we are somehow deserving of suffering, punishment, or just wrongdoing. We must lean into God, pray, turn these thoughts over to Him. God is always willing to listen to our prayers and to intercede if needed.
When we change our stinking thinking, God can work in our lives and change or tears to joy, our sorrow to gladness, and our failures to triumph. We have a choice. We can let the battle field of the mind become the victory of the Lord. We can put on the armor of God, and we can march against the negative thoughts that invade and overwhelm.
The armor of God will keep us safe. It keeps us from the flaming arrows that are launched at us daily. We must stand in the righteousness that protects us against anything the devil may throw our way. We are warriors and we are protected by the army of the Lord. We do not stand alone, but with an army surrounding us and protecting us from the evil of the devil if we will only call out to God and leave it all to God.
We will find that we will go from being totally overwhelmed by the things of this world, to being overcomers of the lies, the past, the disappointments that may come from whatever life brings. We are more than our minds might want us to believe, we are the greatness the Lord designed us to be. We are His daughters and sons and we are here for a reason. Be open to whatever God calls you to and walk boldly into it.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Revenge
REVENGE: To avenge oneself or another usually by retaliating in kind or degree.
We have all thought about it. You know, the pay back, retaliating, get even, revenge. Someone has done something or we perceive that they have done something to hurt us or a loved one. We spend hours, sometimes days, plotting out how we could pay them back. Sometimes we act on it, other times we just think about it in our minds.
It never feels good when someone hurts us or someone we love. It puts a pit in our stomach, makes our blood pressure rise, and we get angry. We hate that they have done something to us, and we think of all the ways we could, would, or should respond. Most of the time, we think of the words or deeds we could do to get them back. But is that what we really should do?
You have heard the old saying, turn the other cheek. Where did that come from? Who thought of it? and why would I ever get insulted or hurt and just turn the other cheek so that they could do it again? I would have to be crazy!!! Or, I would be doing what God called us to.
Matthew 5:38-40 says,38"You have heard that it was said, an Eye for an Eye and a tooth for a tooth, 39 but I tell you, do not resist an evil person If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn and offer them the left also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well."
I'll be honest with you, this is not the first thing I think of when I am hurt, but it is what God has called us to. How do we do this? How do we not want revenge when we have been hurt? Well, that is what we learn in the Bible. It tells us to not seek revenge, to offer the other cheek so to speak. This does not mean that if someone strikes you that you should just let them. We have laws against that.
I think what is being said in this verse is to let it go. Don't seek revenge, don't retaliate, Don't pay kind for kind. God wants us to be at peace with one another and to love others as we love ourselves. I know, I know. How do you love someone if they lie to you, hurt you, or hurt a loved one? Well, we love the way Christ first loved us.
All throughout the Bible there are verses in reference to the way Christ loved instead of revenged. With the pharisees He did it quite a few times. One of my favorites verses that speak to forgiving others as God forgave us is Isaiah 1:18. 18 "Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are as red as crimson, they shall be like virgin wool." Wow. My sins are forgiven, no matter how ugly they may be.
There are many verses that speak to forgivness such as, Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 17:3-4, Ephesians 4:31-32, 1John 1:9, Acts 3:19. and the list goes on. You can of course look them up in your concordance or you can google them. So many that speak to that forgiveness. God will take care of the situation, if we just give it over to Him and allow Him to work. Romans 12:19 speaks to revenge saying, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is Mine to avenge, I will repay," says the Lord.
Now don't get all excited saying, woohoo, go get 'em God. We are not to feel that God is going to rain down fire and brimstone on those who hurt us. This is an unforgiveness still speaking in our hearts. We are to forgive that person who hurt us, and to walk in forgiveness towards them. If we wish ill on them, we have not truly forgiven. If we rejoice in their folly, we again are not walking in forgiveness.
Forgiveness takes a very Strong and trusting person. One who is stronger than those who retaliate in kind for a wrong or perceived wrong. We let go of that need for revenge and free ourselves from the burden that revenge becomes. We allow God to do what He must with that person and situation, and we are free to carry on with our lives. We leave the bitterness and the anger, and in return have peace and love.
My friend, I know this isn't easy because the truth is, sometimes someone hurts you so deeply, that the it feels like you were almost cut to the core, but that's just the lie that the devil wants you to believe. There is no sin or hurt that can't be forgiven. Allow yourself the freedom that forgiveness brings. Let the healing begin, let go of revenge, and let love win!!!!
Heavenly Father,
Let the forgivness begin with me. Help me to let go of the hurt inflicted by others so that I can live my best life. I thank You for Your word and the healing that it brings. Thank You for teaching me that letting go is much better than holding on to hurt. I pray that You would help me to forgive those who have hurt me, but more importantly Lord, help those I may have hurt to find forgivness, not for my sake, but for theirs. I ask all this in Your Heavenly Name. AMEN!!!
We have all thought about it. You know, the pay back, retaliating, get even, revenge. Someone has done something or we perceive that they have done something to hurt us or a loved one. We spend hours, sometimes days, plotting out how we could pay them back. Sometimes we act on it, other times we just think about it in our minds.
It never feels good when someone hurts us or someone we love. It puts a pit in our stomach, makes our blood pressure rise, and we get angry. We hate that they have done something to us, and we think of all the ways we could, would, or should respond. Most of the time, we think of the words or deeds we could do to get them back. But is that what we really should do?
You have heard the old saying, turn the other cheek. Where did that come from? Who thought of it? and why would I ever get insulted or hurt and just turn the other cheek so that they could do it again? I would have to be crazy!!! Or, I would be doing what God called us to.
Matthew 5:38-40 says,38"You have heard that it was said, an Eye for an Eye and a tooth for a tooth, 39 but I tell you, do not resist an evil person If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn and offer them the left also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well."
I'll be honest with you, this is not the first thing I think of when I am hurt, but it is what God has called us to. How do we do this? How do we not want revenge when we have been hurt? Well, that is what we learn in the Bible. It tells us to not seek revenge, to offer the other cheek so to speak. This does not mean that if someone strikes you that you should just let them. We have laws against that.
I think what is being said in this verse is to let it go. Don't seek revenge, don't retaliate, Don't pay kind for kind. God wants us to be at peace with one another and to love others as we love ourselves. I know, I know. How do you love someone if they lie to you, hurt you, or hurt a loved one? Well, we love the way Christ first loved us.
All throughout the Bible there are verses in reference to the way Christ loved instead of revenged. With the pharisees He did it quite a few times. One of my favorites verses that speak to forgiving others as God forgave us is Isaiah 1:18. 18 "Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are as red as crimson, they shall be like virgin wool." Wow. My sins are forgiven, no matter how ugly they may be.
There are many verses that speak to forgivness such as, Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 17:3-4, Ephesians 4:31-32, 1John 1:9, Acts 3:19. and the list goes on. You can of course look them up in your concordance or you can google them. So many that speak to that forgiveness. God will take care of the situation, if we just give it over to Him and allow Him to work. Romans 12:19 speaks to revenge saying, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is Mine to avenge, I will repay," says the Lord.
Now don't get all excited saying, woohoo, go get 'em God. We are not to feel that God is going to rain down fire and brimstone on those who hurt us. This is an unforgiveness still speaking in our hearts. We are to forgive that person who hurt us, and to walk in forgiveness towards them. If we wish ill on them, we have not truly forgiven. If we rejoice in their folly, we again are not walking in forgiveness.
Forgiveness takes a very Strong and trusting person. One who is stronger than those who retaliate in kind for a wrong or perceived wrong. We let go of that need for revenge and free ourselves from the burden that revenge becomes. We allow God to do what He must with that person and situation, and we are free to carry on with our lives. We leave the bitterness and the anger, and in return have peace and love.
My friend, I know this isn't easy because the truth is, sometimes someone hurts you so deeply, that the it feels like you were almost cut to the core, but that's just the lie that the devil wants you to believe. There is no sin or hurt that can't be forgiven. Allow yourself the freedom that forgiveness brings. Let the healing begin, let go of revenge, and let love win!!!!
Heavenly Father,
Let the forgivness begin with me. Help me to let go of the hurt inflicted by others so that I can live my best life. I thank You for Your word and the healing that it brings. Thank You for teaching me that letting go is much better than holding on to hurt. I pray that You would help me to forgive those who have hurt me, but more importantly Lord, help those I may have hurt to find forgivness, not for my sake, but for theirs. I ask all this in Your Heavenly Name. AMEN!!!
Monday, June 24, 2019
Regret
Is there something in your life that you truly regret? Something that sneeks up from time to time and interrupts the journey your on? Puts a road block, a huge pothole, or even a detour sign in your daily life?
Its happened to me. I have regrets. Some big, some small. The ones I could deal with, I have, and the ones I could not, I've just had to let go of. I have asked for forgiveness from God, the people I may have hurt, and most importantly, from myself.
So I know that you might be saying to yourself, "forgive yourself?" Yes, forgive yourself. Its just as important, if not the most important part of moving past that mistakes you have made and finding healing from the damage it may have caused. It may have been as little as telling your boss you were sick when you really were not, or as big as taking something that did not belong to you or worse.
The thing we need to remember, no matter the sin, God will always forgive us when we repent and ask for forgiveness. We can't control whether others will forgive us, but thats between them and God. The one we find it hardest to forgive is ourselves. We forget that when we forgive ourselves, we allow a healing that only God can bring, to seep into every part of our lives. A healing that refreshes our souls and gives us the rest we need from the burden the unforgivness becomes.
Think about this. When we don't forgive ourselves, God cannot forgive us. I had never thought about this until I was studying forgivness and came across the verse in Mark 11:26. It reads, "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions."
Now you might want to argue that God was only referring to forgivness in regards to others, but it states in the verse clearly that if you do not forgive, it does not say if you do not forgive others. This means forgivness includes onself. Profound right?
So how do I forgive myself? How do I find a way to let go of all the negative I feel about myself or something I think I may have done wrong? This is a very good question and one I will address.
My background always made be feel like the things I'd done were so bad, that even God couldn't forgive me. There was no way He could love a sinner like me, but that just isn't true. I have read the Bible and as we all know in John 3:16 it states that God sent His Son into this world for the sins of all mankind. This means for our forgiveness. It didn't say only small sins, but the ones that seem unforgivable.
Jesus on the cross even asked His Father to forgive those who were crucifying Him. Do you think yourself better than Christ? Do you think you know more than God? Well my friend, you don't and neither do I that is why we cannot withhold forgiveness from others or ourselves. When we do this, we tell God that we think we know better than He does. He forgave sins that we as humans could possibly never forgive, but in doing so taught us how to forgive.
That brings it back to forgiveness of self. We may some really big regrets. Some sins that just feel unpardonable. But remember, God already know about these sins and the regret we carry around with them. The baggage of these sins can weigh us down without us even realizing how heavy they are and how much they affect our lives.
I'm here to tell you to lay that burden down. Leave that baggage behind. Lay it all at the foot of the Cross and don't pick it up again. God eagerly waits to forgive you, now you just need to forgive yourself!!!
Heavenly Father,
You love us just as a good Father should. You want a better life for us. You know our every thought and deed. Reach down and help us to understand that true healing comes when we forgive, not only others, but ourselves as well Help us to realize we need to forgive ourselves in order to move on the best life you have for us. Father, help the healing to begin in each person who needs this today. We love You Lord and thank you for the healing that is coming our way.
AMEN!!!
Its happened to me. I have regrets. Some big, some small. The ones I could deal with, I have, and the ones I could not, I've just had to let go of. I have asked for forgiveness from God, the people I may have hurt, and most importantly, from myself.
So I know that you might be saying to yourself, "forgive yourself?" Yes, forgive yourself. Its just as important, if not the most important part of moving past that mistakes you have made and finding healing from the damage it may have caused. It may have been as little as telling your boss you were sick when you really were not, or as big as taking something that did not belong to you or worse.
The thing we need to remember, no matter the sin, God will always forgive us when we repent and ask for forgiveness. We can't control whether others will forgive us, but thats between them and God. The one we find it hardest to forgive is ourselves. We forget that when we forgive ourselves, we allow a healing that only God can bring, to seep into every part of our lives. A healing that refreshes our souls and gives us the rest we need from the burden the unforgivness becomes.
Think about this. When we don't forgive ourselves, God cannot forgive us. I had never thought about this until I was studying forgivness and came across the verse in Mark 11:26. It reads, "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions."
Now you might want to argue that God was only referring to forgivness in regards to others, but it states in the verse clearly that if you do not forgive, it does not say if you do not forgive others. This means forgivness includes onself. Profound right?
So how do I forgive myself? How do I find a way to let go of all the negative I feel about myself or something I think I may have done wrong? This is a very good question and one I will address.
My background always made be feel like the things I'd done were so bad, that even God couldn't forgive me. There was no way He could love a sinner like me, but that just isn't true. I have read the Bible and as we all know in John 3:16 it states that God sent His Son into this world for the sins of all mankind. This means for our forgiveness. It didn't say only small sins, but the ones that seem unforgivable.
Jesus on the cross even asked His Father to forgive those who were crucifying Him. Do you think yourself better than Christ? Do you think you know more than God? Well my friend, you don't and neither do I that is why we cannot withhold forgiveness from others or ourselves. When we do this, we tell God that we think we know better than He does. He forgave sins that we as humans could possibly never forgive, but in doing so taught us how to forgive.
That brings it back to forgiveness of self. We may some really big regrets. Some sins that just feel unpardonable. But remember, God already know about these sins and the regret we carry around with them. The baggage of these sins can weigh us down without us even realizing how heavy they are and how much they affect our lives.
I'm here to tell you to lay that burden down. Leave that baggage behind. Lay it all at the foot of the Cross and don't pick it up again. God eagerly waits to forgive you, now you just need to forgive yourself!!!
Heavenly Father,
You love us just as a good Father should. You want a better life for us. You know our every thought and deed. Reach down and help us to understand that true healing comes when we forgive, not only others, but ourselves as well Help us to realize we need to forgive ourselves in order to move on the best life you have for us. Father, help the healing to begin in each person who needs this today. We love You Lord and thank you for the healing that is coming our way.
AMEN!!!
Friday, May 17, 2019
It's just unfair!
So as most of you know I am recovering from surgery that I had last month. The recovery period has been so hard for me. You would think that having 6 weeks off of work would be a breeze. Well, for me it isn't. I can't handle just sitting around and having to depend on others. Its so darned hard.
Well that is exactly what I have had to learn. There have been times when I have tried to do things, and in true Carrie fashion, I don't do it small. Each time I have regretted it because there have been consequences. Not anything that I would wish, but set backs none the less. Some were scary, but apparently never scary enough for me to learn my lesson.
I get scolded, by my husband, family, and myself. Than a few days later, I just do it again. Not the same thing, but just pushing myself to do more than what my body is ready to do. Its not smart, but I do it again. Why do we do that? Why do we, "Learn our lesson," only to repeat it again at another time either the same way or different but just as bad. So foolish we can be.
One lesson I have learned I had to learn the hard way. That is looking at what others have and becoming envious or angry that I have worked so hard and still don't have some of the things I want and feel I deserve.
That makes me angry or hurt. I can't understand why others deserve so much better, or what I perceive as better, than what I have. But God tells us in Philippians 4:19, "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Wow, that is profound. It speaks to me that I may think I need it but is it a want or a need.
When we don't get what we want, we can become angry, cry, have a temper tantrum or whatever. We feel cheated, but we really aren't. We just project that feeling onto ourselves. We aren't cheated because what we want was not ours and so no one took it from us.
There is a story in the bible that tells of a Master who hired workers to work in his vineyard. (Matthew 20:1-16). He hired the men and told them what they would be paid for the work that they did. Some began at the start of the day, early in the morning. Others started in the afternoon, and yet still, others started late in the day.
At the end of the day, the master paid the workers the agreed upon wage. Imagine the way those who were hired first felt when they saw that those hired last were paid the same wage. They became angry and wanted more pay. The owner explained to them that they agreed to do the work for that amount. He told them to take the wage and go. The workers felt this was unjust, they felt it unfair that some worked 1 hour and got paid the same as those who worded a full day. How unfair. Or is it?
You see, they all agreed to work for the wage the owner hired them at. It didn't change what they agreed on just because the others worked less time. It was the wage they agreed to at the start of the day and didn't change because others agreed to the same pay for less work.
In today's day and age, I'm sure if this happened, people would want to protest, cause riots, burn down the vineyards, or boycott the business. But life is not always fair, and its not meant to be. This story is God's way of telling us that life isn't always fair. That there are those who will come into the fold later in life, after a life of sin and living their way. God will welcome them with open arms and heaven will rejoice just as it did when you were first saved.
We should all rejoice at this because they were saved, not be envious or jealous because they lived a life of sin and than repented and were saved. Would you really have been happier if you had lived life in sin and gotten saved later, or even with your last breath? Do you think life would have been so much better this way?
How about looking at it this way. You were saved earlier, you got to know the Lord early on in life. You spent time getting to know Him, reading His word, in fellowship with Him and worshiping Him. You grew that relationship and learned so much along the way. You may have been instrumental in someone else coming to the Lord. How much more is that worth to you?
For me, its invaluable. Its the time, the lessons, the grace, the mercy, and so much more. The life lessons I have learned during that time. The journey of falling in love with the Lord and being blessed with all that He has given me. WOW!!!
To me its like Proverbs 3:13-14. "How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. For its profit is far better than the profit of silver, and its gain than fine gold." I mean, what could be better than that? NOTHING! Its laid out in terms man can understand, but it speaks of the riches and glory we receive from our Heavenly Father.
So I will leave you with this. How will you choose to face what you see as unfairness? Will you face it with faith, or anger? With love or hate? Half full, or half empty? The choice is yours!
Be blessed friends as you go through your weekend.
Yours truly,
Carrie
Well that is exactly what I have had to learn. There have been times when I have tried to do things, and in true Carrie fashion, I don't do it small. Each time I have regretted it because there have been consequences. Not anything that I would wish, but set backs none the less. Some were scary, but apparently never scary enough for me to learn my lesson.
I get scolded, by my husband, family, and myself. Than a few days later, I just do it again. Not the same thing, but just pushing myself to do more than what my body is ready to do. Its not smart, but I do it again. Why do we do that? Why do we, "Learn our lesson," only to repeat it again at another time either the same way or different but just as bad. So foolish we can be.
One lesson I have learned I had to learn the hard way. That is looking at what others have and becoming envious or angry that I have worked so hard and still don't have some of the things I want and feel I deserve.
That makes me angry or hurt. I can't understand why others deserve so much better, or what I perceive as better, than what I have. But God tells us in Philippians 4:19, "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Wow, that is profound. It speaks to me that I may think I need it but is it a want or a need.
When we don't get what we want, we can become angry, cry, have a temper tantrum or whatever. We feel cheated, but we really aren't. We just project that feeling onto ourselves. We aren't cheated because what we want was not ours and so no one took it from us.
There is a story in the bible that tells of a Master who hired workers to work in his vineyard. (Matthew 20:1-16). He hired the men and told them what they would be paid for the work that they did. Some began at the start of the day, early in the morning. Others started in the afternoon, and yet still, others started late in the day.
At the end of the day, the master paid the workers the agreed upon wage. Imagine the way those who were hired first felt when they saw that those hired last were paid the same wage. They became angry and wanted more pay. The owner explained to them that they agreed to do the work for that amount. He told them to take the wage and go. The workers felt this was unjust, they felt it unfair that some worked 1 hour and got paid the same as those who worded a full day. How unfair. Or is it?
You see, they all agreed to work for the wage the owner hired them at. It didn't change what they agreed on just because the others worked less time. It was the wage they agreed to at the start of the day and didn't change because others agreed to the same pay for less work.
In today's day and age, I'm sure if this happened, people would want to protest, cause riots, burn down the vineyards, or boycott the business. But life is not always fair, and its not meant to be. This story is God's way of telling us that life isn't always fair. That there are those who will come into the fold later in life, after a life of sin and living their way. God will welcome them with open arms and heaven will rejoice just as it did when you were first saved.
We should all rejoice at this because they were saved, not be envious or jealous because they lived a life of sin and than repented and were saved. Would you really have been happier if you had lived life in sin and gotten saved later, or even with your last breath? Do you think life would have been so much better this way?
How about looking at it this way. You were saved earlier, you got to know the Lord early on in life. You spent time getting to know Him, reading His word, in fellowship with Him and worshiping Him. You grew that relationship and learned so much along the way. You may have been instrumental in someone else coming to the Lord. How much more is that worth to you?
For me, its invaluable. Its the time, the lessons, the grace, the mercy, and so much more. The life lessons I have learned during that time. The journey of falling in love with the Lord and being blessed with all that He has given me. WOW!!!
To me its like Proverbs 3:13-14. "How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. For its profit is far better than the profit of silver, and its gain than fine gold." I mean, what could be better than that? NOTHING! Its laid out in terms man can understand, but it speaks of the riches and glory we receive from our Heavenly Father.
So I will leave you with this. How will you choose to face what you see as unfairness? Will you face it with faith, or anger? With love or hate? Half full, or half empty? The choice is yours!
Be blessed friends as you go through your weekend.
Yours truly,
Carrie
Wednesday, May 1, 2019
Wait on the Lord, and again I say wait.
May 1, 2019. Happy May day.
So it has nearly been a year since I have written. Boy life has gotten busy and I have not written on my blog. I have continued to journal so what I am going to write today will be from a journal writing from last year and the one I wrote again recently following surgery.
Yes I said surgery. This girl finally decided that in order to better care for others, she had to take care of herself. It was a rough surgery, there were some minor complications, but the Lord pulled me through it and recovery is taking place as I write.
In March of last year, I wrote in my personal journal about waiting on the Lord. I am well aware that patience is not one of my better virtues. I figure out what I want to do, or where I want to be, and than I proceed to want it right then and there. Funny thing is, patience is just what the Lord is making be learn through this surgery and recovery period.
So this year, my journal had the same theme, so I titled it, "Wait again". I found myself in a place where I needed to wait on the Lord and trust in the process taking place. Ugh, the whole patience thing again. I think God is trying to make it one of my better virtues possibly.
I feel like I trust God and his plan for my life, but patience is such a challenge for me. I feel I need the answer now, to know the outcome even before something has taken place. I feel out of control when this doesn't happens, and out of control feels icky to me. But I am learning that when I am not in control, God is. This is real trust, and something I am learning through the healing process.
Doing this means having faith, and faith means trusting whether I know the outcome or not. I must trust that the outcome will be just what God has planned and that He knows what my life needs, and will provide. He does not want me walking in fear, but in that faith that I proclaim to have.
Through some of the difficulties I have had since surgery, I found myself looking things up on the internet. This really wasn't wise as it opened me up to even more fear than faith. Did you know, the internet is pessimistic? You can type in symptoms or questions about something and its going to give you the worst possible scenarios. I mean really, what better way than this to convince you that your sicker than you are, or worse, your dying.
Instead of thinking I must know everything, I am learning to just rest, wait in the Lord, and trust that his outcomes for my life are better than anything I could think of myself. I read in Ecclesiastes 3:1, "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven." And in John 16:33 RED LETTER "These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have over come the world."
In Psalms 27:14 we see the title of this blog in verse. It says, "Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Its so important that we wait for the Lord that the Psalmist writes it twice. Wait, and again wait. Stop trying to figure your life out on your own and before its time. Begin to live life one day at a time.
Seek the Lord when you run into things your unsure about and see if its something He has designed for you to deal with at this time. If not, let it go. When we do this, we can begin to have a life that runs more smoothly instead of thinking that everything has to have an answer or a fix at this exact moment. This will free you up for a more simple, less hectic and less stressful life.
When we wait on the Lord, focus on Him and not the noise of the world, all the chaos that has been our norm begins to lose its power. The world may continue in chaos, but in Him we find peace. Remember, He overcame the world so that we might have peace.
Blessings to you and yours and may Gods peace reign in your life this week.
So it has nearly been a year since I have written. Boy life has gotten busy and I have not written on my blog. I have continued to journal so what I am going to write today will be from a journal writing from last year and the one I wrote again recently following surgery.
Yes I said surgery. This girl finally decided that in order to better care for others, she had to take care of herself. It was a rough surgery, there were some minor complications, but the Lord pulled me through it and recovery is taking place as I write.
In March of last year, I wrote in my personal journal about waiting on the Lord. I am well aware that patience is not one of my better virtues. I figure out what I want to do, or where I want to be, and than I proceed to want it right then and there. Funny thing is, patience is just what the Lord is making be learn through this surgery and recovery period.
So this year, my journal had the same theme, so I titled it, "Wait again". I found myself in a place where I needed to wait on the Lord and trust in the process taking place. Ugh, the whole patience thing again. I think God is trying to make it one of my better virtues possibly.
I feel like I trust God and his plan for my life, but patience is such a challenge for me. I feel I need the answer now, to know the outcome even before something has taken place. I feel out of control when this doesn't happens, and out of control feels icky to me. But I am learning that when I am not in control, God is. This is real trust, and something I am learning through the healing process.
Doing this means having faith, and faith means trusting whether I know the outcome or not. I must trust that the outcome will be just what God has planned and that He knows what my life needs, and will provide. He does not want me walking in fear, but in that faith that I proclaim to have.
Through some of the difficulties I have had since surgery, I found myself looking things up on the internet. This really wasn't wise as it opened me up to even more fear than faith. Did you know, the internet is pessimistic? You can type in symptoms or questions about something and its going to give you the worst possible scenarios. I mean really, what better way than this to convince you that your sicker than you are, or worse, your dying.
Instead of thinking I must know everything, I am learning to just rest, wait in the Lord, and trust that his outcomes for my life are better than anything I could think of myself. I read in Ecclesiastes 3:1, "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven." And in John 16:33 RED LETTER "These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have over come the world."
In Psalms 27:14 we see the title of this blog in verse. It says, "Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Its so important that we wait for the Lord that the Psalmist writes it twice. Wait, and again wait. Stop trying to figure your life out on your own and before its time. Begin to live life one day at a time.
Seek the Lord when you run into things your unsure about and see if its something He has designed for you to deal with at this time. If not, let it go. When we do this, we can begin to have a life that runs more smoothly instead of thinking that everything has to have an answer or a fix at this exact moment. This will free you up for a more simple, less hectic and less stressful life.
When we wait on the Lord, focus on Him and not the noise of the world, all the chaos that has been our norm begins to lose its power. The world may continue in chaos, but in Him we find peace. Remember, He overcame the world so that we might have peace.
Blessings to you and yours and may Gods peace reign in your life this week.
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