I always write about inspirational things. Things to help lift others up. To inspire them to hold onto hope. To know that there are better days coming. But what happens when you don't feel that? When no matter what others tell you, you tell yourself, you feel hopeless, worn out, and just plain tired?
I know I have a choice. I decide how I want my actions or feelings to be. I can give in, give up, or keep going. I can stay where I am at in that feeling, or I can choose to move past it. It really is up to me.
Well I'm going to tell you today that whatever you are feeling, its okay to feel that. We have been told to suppress certain feelings, emotions, or thoughts. Told that its all going to be okay, and things will get better, but guess what? Sometimes they don't. Sometimes we have to go through something for a long while. It lasts much longer than we expected, wanted, or needed. Or so we think.
Mine right now is struggling with loss this year. I lost my dear, sweet Aunt Sharon in the beginning of this year. Lost a part of myself in April when I had to have surgery. Lost my mobility when my knee decided to go bad this summer. Lost a dear friend in October. Loss of what I thought would be my, Rest of my life job." The deepest loss came in November. The loss of our beautiful, faithful, lovable fur baby Zuni.
Now don't you think that I deserve to cry? To sit down and say I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. Well I did let me tell you. I cried, I ranted, I was angry, sad, confused and darn right rebellious. I was mad at everything and everyone. My poor husband took the brunt of all of this, but what's new? He usually does.
I called my mom up last week and cried all the way home from work with her. I was super upset about a lot of things. I told her I do not think I can continue doing what I am doing. You know what she told me???? She said, " listen here sister. We come from a long line of strong women. Women who went through hardships you and I will never experience. Hardships like the great depression, the loss of parents, dropping out of school to work to help support their siblings, and raising children, grandchildren, and helping others all on their own."
She went on to say, " I never saw my mom cry about what she had to do, or the things she lost, or the things she never got to do. She just got up everyday and did what needed to be done." She said, "grandma had to help raise her siblings which meant she didn't get to be a child. My sisters helped raise me so they had to grow up fast. You helped me with raising your sister and brother so that I could work three jobs to support you guys and give you the things you wanted and needed."
She told me how she knows that there were tears. They just weren't done publicly and no one really knew about it. She reminded me of the divorces, single parenting, health issues, and the list goes on, that these women in my life had endured. My tears began to slow, and I realized that she was right.
My grandmother, my mom's mom, put herself through nursing school while raising her children alone. She had to quit school when she was younger in order to work and help her father to raise her siblings because her mother had died of dust pneumonia when she was little. She worked 2 jobs and went to school to become a nurse. Once a nurse, she worked nights because she made more. She also took care of my sister and I and my cousins at different times.
My aunt Sandy raised her son, moved away to California, battled cancer and survived, moved across country to marry the man she loved, and works with hospice as a volunteer, as well as being an amazing Sentsy consultant.
My aunt Sharon married my uncle Bob, moved wherever his military career took him, including some countries we would never think of living in now, and raised all of her children and adopted another to raise, as well as all of the other wonderful things she did.
My aunt Phyllis was a strong women who raised her children, worked hard, and was a very strong and independent woman.
My mom raised us when she could, worked hard, gave us more than most kids had because we had horses, we were in 4H, rodeo, and had a nice home. She taught me how to keep a clean house, be compassionate towards those less fortunate than us, and to always be kind.
My aunt Jeannie taught me how to be a good mother, wife, and daughter. She helped build and run a business with my uncle Doug, started her own business in daycare, raised 5 beautiful, strong, amazing, independent, accomplished women as well as taking me on as a 6th daughter.
My aunt Mary who poured into my life the love of God. My faith and strength are due to her loving guidance. She showed me how to be a lady, have respect, and to love myself.
My Grandma Harper, who was also a nurse. She taught me that love is for a lifetime, how to be a good mother, wife, and grandmother. How to love, be compassionate, be caring, and most importantly, how to forgive.
So to wrap this up, my mom in that conversation reminded me that these women all faced their own trials. Things that no one else will ever know. They faced adversity, cruelty, grief, hardship, and things that most people would have thrown the towel in for. They did it and did not complain. Their tears were hidden, most likely in their pillows, or in the shower, or like me, in the car as they drove.
Tears do not mean we are weak, they mean we are strong, compassionate, passionate, faithful, caring, loving, and very capable women. So today I want to encourage you if only a little bit. Those little things, big things, seemingly insurmountable things, are just that. Things. They will pass, we will endure, come out stronger on the other side and realize, we are a STRONG WOMAN!!! Be strong, be fierce, love, laugh, and be happy, sad, mad, or whatever you need to do you!
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