The bible has much to say about minding our own business. You know, worry about the weeds in your own yard and such. But what does this mean to those of us who are fixers? You know, those if us,(me), who think that they must help every person with their problems.
I am the oldest child in my family, and therefore have always felt responsible for others. If I see someone in need, I think I must fix it, take care of them, help them settle arguments, make peace. I must tell you, its exhausting, and it usually ends up with the person or people being mad at me. Not what I intended, but an awful side affect of helping at times.
In the bible it tells us in Proverbs 26:17-interfering in someone else's argument is as foolish as yanking a dog's ear. In 1 Thess. 4:10-12-Make your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands. This way people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others. 2 Thess 3:11-13 We hear that some of you are living in idleness. You are busy not working but interfering in other people's lives. We encourage such people as by the Lord, to do their work quietly and earn their own living. Brothers, do not get tired of doing what is right. There are many more, 1 Peter 4:15-16, Exodus 23:1-2, Phil. 4:8, Prov 25:20-21, Prov. 20:3 and the list goes on.
We, (I), need to learn to draw the line. To know where my business ends, and someone else's begins, and than stay in my lane. This means that it is not my business if someone is having issues ie. negativity, gossip, denial, unforgiveness, lying, deception, addiction, inappropriate behavior, etc. Unless it directly affects me, I don't need to, "Interfere."
You see I have for years tried to take on others problems and fix them. In doing so, I have created so many more problems for myself. I have been drawn into arguments that were not my business, battles that were not mine to fight, ugly gossip that has hurt someone else, and the list goes on. I am not proud of these things, I just thought I was helping, lending a hand, showing someone what was right. Well this backfired on me more than once.
I have been learning, and a hard lesson it has been, that what other people choose to say and do is their business. Its not mine. Their problems are just that, their problems. That the choices they make they have to own. What is mine? My decisions, my behaviors, my problems, my feelings, my happiness, my sadness, my choices and my inner messages. I have the ability to love, care, nurture, dream, hope, deny, and forgive. I do not owe it to anyone to allow them to have any control over these things, just like no one owes it to me.
I am working on developing a clear sense of what is mine, and what is not. If a problem is not mine, I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to cross a line and try to make it mine. I can deal with my own issues, and be responsible for my own choices. I can ask for forgiveness where it is needed, give forgiveness, and live MY life. Whew!
Its funny how some people will react to you start drawing a line. Some will become angry, confused, and sad because they are used to coming to you and having you take on their issues, but you see, you do not owe them that. You only need to take care of you. This doesn't mean that I will not listen if someone comes to me with problems, It just means that I have the right and the ability to say, sorry, not my circus, not my monkeys. And its okay to say no.
I have been a people pleaser my entire life. This has made life feel overwhelming, and unmanageable at times. It's not a good feeling, and it drains me. I am slowly learning that I cannot fix the problems of my past because they are already done and gone, but I can change the way I deal with the future. That choice is to take care of me first. Its not selfish, its not mean, and its not uncaring when we do this. Its necessary. If we don't care for us first, we can't help anyone else.
They tell you that when you are flying, you must first put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs, so that's what I am doing. I am learning it is okay for me to put on my oxygen first, than and only than should I even think about helping someone else. One day at a time, I am learning to draw the line.
God bless each and every one of you as you learn to draw the line!!!
