My body the temple

     I bet when you read the title of this you were not thinking it was going to be about my eating disorder. But that is exactly what I am going to write about for the next few days. You see, the body is described as the temple in the Bible. It is where the Holy Spirit resides. So yes, by body is a temple, and yes it is one I have been struggling with for years.

     So I am going to go back again to when my bulimia first started. It started because I was so consumed with what others thought was attractive, the ideal weight, what society said was "normal."  I look back now and see what a mistake I made, but at the time, I was so worried about looking the part. What part that was, I couldn't even tell you.

     So I delved deep into why I would have had an eating disorder, with the help of counseling of course.  I was able to begin to identify what was my problem. The problem was I was hurting and I didn't feel worthy. I thought that if I could only look a certain way, I could be loved and accepted, not realizing that I was already loved and accepted by those who mattered.

     I needed to find an answer as I began my recovery for a few things. One of which is, is there a correct weight, one that God wants me to be?, and does God really care what I might weigh?  The answer to that is a resounding NO!!!  God cares about me, don't get me wrong, but my weight has nothing to do with it. It says in the bible that man looks at the outside, while God looks much deeper. God looks at my heart. (1 Samuel 16:7). That being said, God doesn't care how much I might weigh. He is much more concerned about what condition my heart is in.

     Our bodies are the temples of the Holy spirit. Because of this fact, we should strive to glorify Him in our spirit and in our body. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20.)  Jesus showed us how to do this. To live in a way that would bring glory to the Father. We are to bear much fruit, so we may be disciples. (John 15:8).  We do this by walking the walk. Living out our lives the way God called us to and in a manner that brings glory to God. We cannot do that if we are so concerned about what society thinks about us. So what is the fruit that Jesus is talking about?

     The fruit of the Spirit. That is what He was talking about. That means that we are to love, have joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. (Galatians 5:22-23)  Wow. When I look at these I can truly see how my eating disorder kept me from "bearing fruit."  It kept me so wrapped up in darkness and lies that my body was not a friendly place for the Holy Spirit. It was not a good place for me either.

     The thoughts and behaviors I had in my life began to take over. Like, have you ever seen a lot that was once real pretty, nice trees, plants, grass, and than it gets deserted. In time the weeds take over, the grass withers and dies, the plants dry up, and eventually, if left long enough, even the trees die. Well that's what happened to me. The weeds hindered my ability to produce or "bear" fruit.  Bulimia was a behavior that made me desert my "lot".  I was using my behaviors to hide from the pain I had in my life. I thought I was doing it for weight loss but that was not the truth. The diet roller coaster began.

     The weight I lost and than regained was just a manifestation of my life out of control. Every time I lost weight with a new fad diet, I would regain it and then some. Each time I felt worse and would become disappointed with my self. On to the next fad thing. All the while not realizing that I wasn't helping myself, I was actually destroying the temple. I was not being a good steward of what the Lord had given me. I was in essence, telling Him that he had made a mistake. And with all the diets, I was missing out on all the goodness that Lord had in store for me.

       So what was the answer to my problem? How was I to overcome this eating disorder and live the way God called me?  The answer is easy, I am to not worry about my weight but rather to focus on becoming a good steward of the temple He has blessed me with. This is the first step into recovery.  I needed to get down on my knees and pray like King David did. I needed to pray that God would search my inmost self and know my heart. That He would test me and locate the anxieties I have from past hurts. To test me for any bad ways in me, and than to lead me in a way that gives eternal life. (Psalms 139:23-24).

     I need His word daily to give me the wisdom needed to care for my temple. I need to also learn healthy balance. Only with Him can I have these things. I am learning how to eat properly and in a way that nourishes my body. I am also engaging in daily exercise, sometimes even though I don't want to. I am seeing a change in my attitude towards food and towards my temple. More importantly, I am feeling more energy and healthier than I have in years. I am no longer dieting, I am eating the way God called me to.

     There are other parts to this that I want to talk about. I will continue to do this over the next week or so. I really want people to understand that God did not intend for us to be over-weight, under-weight, or sick. He provided for us the means to fill our bodies with the things required to keep it operating at an optimal level. The key is learning how to do that today when everything comes in a box, can or fast food wrapper. Again, a subject I will touch on later.

     I will not be giving weight loss tips, or diet plans here. The only thing I will say is that we all need to learn to eat the way God designed us to. That I will address. And again, this is not medical advice. If you feel you need that kind of support, I highly recommend a licensed dietician, your doctor or another medical professional who can help in that area. God bless you and I look forward to tomorrows subject. (Hint: Can I use guilt to change my eating disorder?)