Fighting Grief

   So my father passed away at the end of May. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I had just gotten my father back in my life. He was unable to have a relationship with me for years because of my step-mother. I only had a few short years of having him back in my life. It wasn't long enough, I needed way more time. I needed more time to re-connect with him. I needed more time to have him in my life and for him to get to know my children because he was never there.
    So I am doing a bible study to help me get through the grief. I have been struggling with a lot of things. Sadness, depression, anger, and grief. It has been hard to even live my daily life at times. Sometimes I just want to give up. I want to just say forget it. I will never be happy again. And then, I remember that God knows exactly what I am going through. God had to let his Son die. He had to go through all of the grief and hurt that I am now experiencing. He has been where I have been. He has walked this road. So even if I feel like I am alone on this journey, He is always there.
     So what I have learned so far is that grief is a journey we can only make alone. Although other family members are grieving as well, their relationship with that loved one is much different than what yours is. So you may be traveling along a similar path, your journey is yours alone. The last 2 months since dad passed away have been a horrible ride. I am usually a happy, positive person. since dad passed, I have not been that way at all. I have been angry, sad, depressed, scared and hurt. There have been moments of happiness. Moments when I felt some small sense of the person I once was.
     My bulimia has come back, I don't want to work, I just want to stay at home. But I have a God who is healer, friend, brother. I am trying to press deeper into Him. I want to survive this journey. It isn't easy I know, but when I come to the end of this journey, I know I will be stronger, better and hopefully have the experience behind me that would allow me to help others.
     I love my family and I want to change the path I have been on so I can be a better wife, mother, grandmother, daughter and sister. The person God created me to be.



     Dear Father God,
           I thank You for your mercy, grace and love. I know that You are always there for me. You lift me up when I can't even walk. You are the One who has been by my side even when I didn't know who You were. You have taught me what it is to be the type of person I need to be. Given me the strength to endure all that I have been through in the last few years. I thank You so very much. Thank you for all the blessings you have put into my life. ~~~~~~~Amen~~~~~~~~~