World of Hurt

     Is selfishness a natural thing or is it learned?  Do people automatically know how to hurt one another or do they learn that somehow as they grow up? I truly believe that people aren't born to be mean but that it is something they learn. Maybe from family, maybe from people at school, and maybe from life.
     I don't believe that I am a selfish person. I have walked through my life always trying to please those around me. Not to be mean to others, but to always seek to be good to them. This sometimes lead to my own hurt. People desiring my help and then turning their back on me when I needed them. Maybe not on purpose, but never the less, they would.
     Then I found my self in deep need. My dad died and I was in the deepest depression, hurt and turmoil I had ever felt. A grief so deep that it began to debilitate my life. I could no longer find joy. I let the things from my past sneak in and whisper lies to me. I felt that I was not worthy of other's sympathy. I reached out to no one and couldn't really see anyone around me. I would go through my daily routine and paste a smile on my face so no one could see the hurt inside.
     Then it all ended. The hurt spilled over and nearly killed me. It was so deep and painful that my eating disorder got completely out of control. It was the hurt from my dad and hurts from the past that came back to haunt me. It began to drag me further and further from the things I valued in life. Things I couldn't even identify anymore because I had given into that hurt. Then it was off to treatment.
     My first few weeks of treatment were tough. I couldn't even see the others around me because I was so wrapped up in my self and my deep inward pain. I could only see my hurt, my pain and my desire to go home. Not the fact that I was there to get help. I just really wanted to escape. Then one afternoon it all changed.
     I was having a particularly rough day. I had been crying, told the people at the treatment center that I was going to sign my 72 and go home, called my Aunt and cried to her and then called my husband and begged him to come get me. I then had to go to process group. That is where those of us who have the same therapist sit in her office and talk about the things that are challenging us. Our struggles and maybe even our victories.
     One of the young ladies was talking about her struggles. She has been in treatment since she was 11 and found herself back again. She was frustrated and felt like she would never recover completely. I had my face turned away from the room and was facing the wall. I didn't want to be there so I was removing myself from the room by ignoring everyone.
     It was then that I heard from God for the first time in years. He tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, you have an opportunity today to bring out the good in those around you. To share a little of what I have given you.  Now can you share in a way that might bring a little bit of hope to those around you.
     I didn't really believe it at first and then realized that what He was telling me was true. I had been so wrapped up in my own hurt that I could see or even care about the hurt I could see in others. This could be my chance to share and then to start to heal as well. I no longer had to walk around in so much pain and anguish. No longer hide or bury my hurt. I could do good for God and in the process do good for me.
     How amazing could this be. This could be chance for me to take my grief and pain, and be a blessing to others. To invest in others even though my heart was breaking. To realize that these people where on the same journey of grief. It was a little different then mine but grief non the less. They to were hurting. I could reach out to them and make a difference in their life.
     Hurt can last for a few days and even up to years and years. It can slowly leak into every area of our lives making us no longer remember what joy is. What true, and not temporary, happiness is. And then it begins to affect our relationships. Makes them harder and harder to participate in. Sometimes even infect them with the sadness and grief we are carrying around. We might even project the hurt or take it out on those we love.
     So I began to see that on my worst day, when I was feeling my greatest heartbreak and hopelessness, I could see that it was a sign from God that I could reach out to others who were hurting.  Because I understood deep hurt myself, I could encourage others who were going through the same. By encouraging them or just talking to them, I would be loving them with Christ's love. And in this way, God could begin to heal my heart as well.
     So I would like to encourage you as well. The world is a hurting place. We all have hurts, silent grief, pain, anger or bitterness. You can be a blessing to others who are hurting. You can reach out and love others, share, help, and in the process, heal. Just like it says in Phillipians 2:4 "do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others." Believe me, its worth it. So very worth it.
I leave a few other scriptures of encouragement. Colossians 4:6, Hebrews 10:24-25, Hebrews 3:13, and 1 Thessalonians 5:11.  May God's blessing and hope be with you all today and everyday.