You are ENOUGH

Psalm 34:5-Those who look to him are radiant, ad their faces shall never be ashamed.

     How many times to you hear that inside voice telling you that you are not enough? People don't like you and that you must do more, different, act, or dress a certain way to be accepted. I used to hear this voice speak so loudly to me at times that I could not hear God speaking. 

     I believe we all fear failing. We all want to please those we have around us. We want to be liked, loved, and appreciated. That is the human side of us. It is what we all feel regardless if we admit it or not. We are always disappointed as man will always let us down. We must not get down or feel like our worth is less because of this. 

     We must remember that we are very much loved by God. We can overcome any doubts in our life if we remember that God is always in our corner and that He finds us so very much lovable and beautiful. He will fight for us and we will be victorious. In Zephnaniah 3:17. "The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." 

      If we look to God and not man, his radiance and glory will shine through us. In this life we want others to see us as, as likable, and to accept us. His light shining through use will cause others to see us in a different way. The radiance of God shining in your face, your deeds, your actions, that is attractive. You may doubt this and think, "I must be beautiful, wear nice clothing, or even have surgery to change the way I look." Well I am just going to tell you that is all temporary.

     The beauty that lives inside of us when we welcome God into our life is one that never fades. It can be carried with you for your entire life. This is what God wants. That beauty or radiance draws those to us that God wants us to share with. He calls us to share His love with the hurting, the lonely, the lost. We are changed from the inside out. 2 Corinthians 3:18/.

     I want to reflect God's love to others. I want to share what I have gone through, what I am going through, and then be able to share what awesome things God has done in those situations. Others may see that as oversharing, but I feel that each experience I have gone through allows me to see others in a different light, have empathy for them, and to reach out to them in a loving way. Do I do this right every time? No, but I am a work in progress. This is why I spend time in His word daily, to continue to learn, to change, and to be transformed into His likeness. 

     I share all of this to encourage you not to always try so hard to make others like you. You are ENOUGH. Walk in God's ways, read His word, and be transformed by His glory. Then others opinions will carry less weight, and you will have more peace!

Achieving the Dream

     The last year and a half has been so hard on us all. We have seen the ravages of a virus that has taken the lives of so very many people. We have watched as our country has fallen apart, American's turning against American's over so many different things.

      I for one stayed working while millions of people were out of work, staying away from others, and feeling so very depressed because they were not allowed to have social interactions with others. I don't know how hard that was because I continued to care for the sick, care for covid patients, hold their hands as they died, tell their loved ones they were gone, and continue caring for others.

     The caring for others has always been my dream. I knew from early on that it was my calling to go into medicine. I thought for the longest time it was to be a Dr. That changed when I met and married my husband.  We spent a year in South Carolina and then 3 years in Germany while he was in the military. 

     During these years I took care of my children, took other children in and cared for them as well. I worked odds and end jobs, went to school for other things, and never felt satisfied. It wasn't until my kids were in high school and middle school that I finally took the leap. I jumped in with both feet and a prayer that God would help me as I navigated being a wife, mother, and nursing student.

     Let me tell you that this is not an easy feat. Nursing school is grueling and demands so much time. There were times that I wanted to quit, but with the encouragement of my family, and knowing God's calling on my life, I persevered. It was not that easy, but I knew what I wanted. 

     Once I graduated, I became a nurse in a small rural clinic in southeastern Colorado. What a learning experience that was. I loved the patients, the Dr. and PA were amazing, and the secretary and I clicked. I was scared when I started, but as time went on, the PA took me under his wing and taught me so very much. He had practiced medicine in England and the way they did things was very different. 

     I went on house calls with the Dr., learned all the phlebotomy methods for blood draws (due to us being so rural, and a satellite clinic for a hospital 26 miles from our clinic), assisted with minor surgical procedures, learned how to sterilize equipment, and paper charting. Things that I don't feel other nurses were doing, I was. Being a farming community, we would deal with even severe emergencies as they came through the door. 

     I remember a time when a man who went to our church walked in and told me the symptoms he was having. I recognized them for a heart attack, called the Dr. who wasn't due for another hour, got an order to give aspirin, and called an ambulance. The man survived because of our actions that day. I learned to trust in myself a little more.

     As years went on, I decided to get my RN license so I could become a Hospice Nurse. That was hard again, but I was determined. I became an RN in 2015. I began my hospice journey and loved it very much. I knew that God had called me to this work, and I just took to it. I was so honored to be with families as they walked this journey. It wasn't easy, but it was rewarding. 

     I decided this summer to start the bachelors of nursing program at our local college. It has stretched me further than I though possible and taught me some very valuable things. I didn't think I ever wanted to go back to school, but figured that it could only benefit me in the long run. I am hoping that I will be done within a year but we will see.

     I tell you all of this so that you to can strive for that dream. I am 52 years old and back in college. I have raised my kids, I have grandkids, and I really thought I was settled in my nursing career. I just felt driven to do something more. To go further, to challenge myself, and to achieve one more dream. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me as I walk through it. 

     Ask God to guide you, chase that dream, live your best life.

      

Aunt Mary

  

     Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. We suffered a tragedy of the worst kind. The loss of my beautiful Aunt Mary. This loss is so profound it rocked me to my core. It has shaken my heart in ways I never thought it could. She was the woman who had a big part in who I am today.  She fed into my life so much love, knowledge, and faith. 

     My Aunt Mary was there from the time I was born. She was so sweet and loved me like a daughter. She would spend time doing my hair, taking me places, and just being there for me. We talked on the phone every day, sometimes 3-4 times. She would pray with me, give me words of advice, and encourage me when I felt lost. 

     I am so fortunate that I have been blessed with such amazing women in my life. My Aunts have always been there for me in so many ways. They helped raise me and guide me through the my childhood and into adulthood. They have poured into me love, knowledge, compassion, faith, honesty, integrity, and again love.

     When I was 16 year old, I was so lost.  I found myself pregnant, hopeless, and feeling like such a failure. I could not even imagine that I was worth anything. I felt as if I had let my family down and disappointed them all. My Aunt Mary had me over to her house and she told me, It's okay Carrie, God loves you and wants you to know how much He loves you.

     I could not even fathom what she was telling me, but over the course of my pregnancy, she continued to tell me of Christ's love for me. I attended church with her on Sunday's and Wednesday nights. We went to every event the church held. Slowly but surely I began to believe what was being said. 

     She continued to lovingly guide me through some of the darkest times in my life, and would always tell me, "if God is for you, who can be against you."  It was April 1st 1985, and with her guidance I accepted Christ as my Lord and savior. For the first time I felt a deep and unconditional love that reached into the core of my being and let me know I was worthy.  This is what my Aunt Mary wanted me to know.

     Through the years she continued to pour into my life. She was there for my wedding, the birth of my children, my triumphs and losses. When I lost my daddy, her brother, she consoled me even though her own heart was breaking. She always had a word of encouragement, hope, love. She would tell me that the storm would pass, and the sun would shine again, and to hang onto my faith.

     All throughout the years she would always pray with me, and I always knew if I had a need, she would pray and I know that I know she had a direct line to God. If you needed prayer, you called Aunt Mary. She would pray and answers would come.

     After I lost my dad, I turned to her because she was a connection to my dad. She was a part of him. I loved hearing her stories of their adventures.  She would tell me stories of when I was little and the things we did. Memories that will be forever held in my heart.

     My Aunt also had a lot of heartache. She loved and loved hard. She was always so loving and giving and her one true heartache was how mean people would be. I would cry when she would call me and tell me about someone being mean to her. How people would reject her for whatever reason. I could not understand how someone could not just love her the way I did. But that's the problem, people can be cruel and sometimes not realize it.

     My aunt only ever wanted to be accepted and appreciated. She tried so hard all the time. She would always tell me, "Carrie, We are so much alike. We just try to do for everyone and hope that they will love us. Then we get so very hurt when they don't." She was so very right because I am just like her. I am proud to be like her in some ways. I can only hope that she knew how very very much she meant to me, and that I can be 1/2 the woman she was. 

     She was never apologetic for her faith, and some people were offended by that. They shouldn't have been.  She just had passion for her faith and didn't want anyone to miss out on eternity. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for the people we love and care about.

     I feel so sad for those who missed out on the relationship they could have had with her. The friendship she offered, the love that she had. To you, you will never know what a beautiful, knowledgeable, compassionate, passionate, faithful, loving person she was. It is truly a loss you will never understand.

     I can hear her voice say, "you will get through this. Know that this to shall pass. Lean into faith, rejoice for me, don't cry for me because today I am in Heaven and with my parents and your dad." Oh aunt Mary, I don't know how I will get through this without you because it is you I would turn to in heartache like this. I won't let you down, I will lean in and I will see you again.

     Aunt Mary, Fly high. I know you walked straight into the arms of Jesus yesterday and that you were whole and healed. You were re-united with your parents, and brother, and for that I am truly jealous. I will cry and hurt for a very long time. Your loss is truly a deep, deep hole in my heart, but I wouldn't wish you back. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH. Until we meet again.

     

     

Defeated

     How many of you have felt this way recently? Like you just skimmed out of 2019, maybe limping a bit, and were so looking forward to 2020 only to feel like you jumped out of the frying pan and straight into the fire. How many have lost their job, the dreams they had, a business?  There are thousands I know. This year has defeated so many.

      I am not writing this to give a message of defeat, but one of hope. How many have lost their faith in God because things didn't turn out the way they wanted? Maybe you lost everything you owned, your business, your hopes and dreams! So what did you do? Give up your faith, lose hope, let darkness walk in? It's easy to have this happen to us you know. I am not standing in judgement because believe me you, I have felt defeat so deep I thought I would lose my life over it.

     So what is this hope I speak of? Well I'll tell you what it isn't first. It isn't some quick fix, one and done, magic little pill, book, or plan. It is a truly deep, bone deep faith in God. Its fixing my eyes on Him no matter what life is throwing at me. Its having the strength to hold on even when life is battering me to death! And let me tell you, I have been beaten worse than some, but not as bad as others.

     I have experienced hard losses. I've lost jobs, homes, cars, personal belongings, loved ones, even my dreams of what I thought life would be like. I've stood on the threshold of giving up my faith and turning my back on God. Losses so deep that you question if there really is a God or do people just have good or bad luck?  I've looked up into the heavens and shouted at God to give me some proof that He even cares that I exist.

     God answered, and in ways I would never have noticed if I was to turn my heart to stone and not listen for that still small voice. I am living proof that God is real. I have seen miracles in circumstances that there should have been no way a positive could come out.  I have seen evil win victories over good, but I know why this happens. It is because earth is where satan can have power. Power to kill, steal, and destroy. TO take what is meant for good and turn it to bad.

     I have also seen God take those bad things and in turn make the messes into blessings. I've seen doors close and hopelessness slip into the very depth of my being, only to be reminded who is in charge, who is fighting in my corner, and the blessing that comes in staying steadfast.  The windows that are opened because doors were closed. The people who have left my life that were only bringing negativity and doubt, to be replaced by those who would build me up in ways that I could truly see God's hand in.

     Loss can drive us into dark, dark places if we let it, but that is not what God wants for us. We can feel that loss, and then let it go. Know that a door is closing only for a better door to open up if we will just keep walking and not give up. To believe we could never be triumphant in a battle that looks to have already been lost. That there is no hope, no way, no chance.

     Remember the disciples on the raging see, the men in the burning furnace, Jonah in the belly of the whale, the Israelite's between the walls of the  Red Sea, Mary at the foot of the Cross, Jesus in the tomb, and many, many more Bible truths? People who have been given terminal diagnosis, people who have died and come back, loss that was turned into victory.  All of these stories have one thing in common, and that is faith, hope, and belief in God.

     These are all examples of what God can do in your life if you will just turn to him, believe, trust and have faith. Not run when things get tough but to stand firm and know that He has your back. To fight through the bad, scary, loss of what you thought would be, and know better is coming.

     If someone told you that you could not do something would you just give up? Would you believe them? Would you just stop, turn around, and never try?  I am so glad that I never did. I have been told awful things. Told I would never succeed, that I was not a good person, that I would fail, that I could not do things. I chose not to listen, not believe that the lie. I am calling you to step into faith and not into fear. Do not listen to the lies satan is telling you.

     I am choosing to be a light, to allow God to use me in powerful ways, even when the world says I am worthless, that I will never be able to do the things that God has said I will do in His name. I am not perfect, but I am perfected in Christ. He in me is what I strive for daily. I pray that I can be a used in a way to bring Glory to His Kingdom.

     Lord, let me always have the faith I need and to let me stay out of the way so that You can do what You promised. Move me where you want me to be. Let me reflect You in the way I walk, the way I believe, the way I live.  Let me show those around me who may be feeling defeated that in You, they can rest and know that all things work to good for those who love You. Let me shine your light into this dark world.  Let the defeat they feel become a Victory in YOU!!!  Let them see your blessing. Help turn their mess into a message!!!

The Storm

     When we think about a ship, we may think about a cruise ship, a sail boat, or a yacht. These are beautiful ways to travel on the water. We think of luxury, expensive trips, traveling in style, and that being on one of these would be such amazing an dream.

     But remember that these modes of transportation are fallible. One storm and that boat can sink. There are been thousands of ships, boats, yachts, that have been sunk because of these storms. The wind comes up, the waves toss these vessels about on the sea, and at times, they cannot withstand the tempest. They fall apart, and the people are left to survive in what can be un-survivable conditions.

      These people are not without hope.  They have a life boat and life vests that can be used, they just have to remember that these devices are on board, and not panic.  They need to keep their wits about them and than do what needs to be done.  They need to know that they are unable to save their self without the proper tools.

     This brings me to my point. We read in Mark 5:37,about the storm that arose and the boat that Jesus and the disciples were traveling across the sea. The storm hit and the boat was beginning to fill with water.  Jesus had been asleep during the storm and in a panic the disciples awakened Him. They became fearful, and rightfully so with the boat filling up with water, and they knew this meant it could sink.

     Jesus arose from His sleep, and stood up on the boat and rebuked the sea. He told it to be still and the wind immediately died down and became perfectly calm.  He asked them why were they so afraid? Where was their faith?  They were relying on the boat and when it looked like it would sink, they realized it was not as safe as they believed. They panicked and forgot who they were in the presence of.

     In life, we run into storms. These storms can be relational, emotional, financial, or spiritual. We are cruising along on smooth seas and BAM, her comes the wind and the waves. Our lives are tossed about and we begin to fear. Will I be divorced, will I fail, will I lose all I own, will I spend eternity in hell?  These are all very valid fears, if we are thinking in worldly terms, and yes, these things happen to people everyday.

      The important thing is to remember the tools we have been given to survive in these storms, even if our ship sinks. First and foremost, we must remember what those tools are. You wouldn't grab your cell phone or wallet,  grab the person your with, or even a picture of all the things you own if the boat was sinking! That would be ridiculous and you would drown. No, if you were told and trained, or you are with a captain, you know that there are life boats, and life vests for just such an emergency.

     The key at this point is to remember these tools are available. You have a means of surviving. It may not be easy, the storm is still raging all around, waves may be crashing all around, wind is whipping the seas into a frenzy, but there is hope!

     As I have been through many storms, I have been taught the hard lesson of remembering these tools. Who or where do I turn when this happens? I turn to Christ, His word, and prayer!  These are the tools we have been given to survive the storms of life. With these things, no matter how strong the storm is, I am safe.  Not because of the stuff I own, or the people I know, the car I drive, the house I own, the job I have, or my bank account. All of these things can be gone in the blink of an eye.

     I am safe, in the calm that Christ creates for me. His word is the life boat, the Holy Spirit is the life vest, and Christ Himself is the Captain of the ship called life that I am traveling on. I know my husband is always by my side, but he is not even able to save me in the storm, because he has to get his own life vest on, and get himself in the boat. Not that he would not sacrifice to try to save me, but that is not his job.

     As I sit her and write this, I am nearly in tears because I have put this man in that position many of times in the past. I have relied on him to not only find my vest, but put it on me, carry to the life raft, and place me in it, all the while not worrying about if he had his on. This hasn't always been the case in our marriage, but in recent times it has.

     This past week as another storm hit me full on, I once again wanted to turn to him. I wanted him to be the one who saved me from the storm, but I realized it is not fair to him. He is on the same ship, and he must look after himself. I must trust the captain of my life, CHRIST, and know that he has equipped me with the tools needed to be safe.  Easier said than done depending on how fast that ship is sinking!

     Once we are saved, we must remember what we did to survive, who to turn to, and praise God that we are still alive. We cannot focus on the storm, but on what we need to do to live. This can be hard for some because they can only see the loss. They are so focused on that, which can be very deep and hard to get out of at times, but need to appreciate that they are still alive. There is a reason that they lived, that they survived, that they still have a chance at life.

     We have all heard the saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  Well I believe that. The storms of life are not meant to kill you but to make you stronger. They change you in ways you might never have expected. They send you into different directions, open up new things, make you appreciate the blessings in your life. They have a way of changing your focus, which if you will allow, can be in a very positive way. 

     So my hubby is off the hook, like that little pun there, and is not my life vest. Heck he is in the same boat with me so we must both make sure we can survive.  We are riding life's storms on the same boat, but rather than get into fear, we must remember the tools that God has given us, trust our captain, and safely get into that life raft, back to shore, and keep on moving. 

     Brothers and sisters in Christ, today I pray for you and whatever storm you may be going through. I pray that you would know what tools God has equipped you with, and that you would use them. God did not give you a spirit of fear, He calls you to, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.  My you be courageous this week, and find strength in the Lord for whatever comes your way. 

GOD BLESS!

Your sister in Christ.

     

Drawing the Line

     The bible has much to say about minding our own business. You know, worry about the weeds in your own yard and such. But what does this mean to those of us who are fixers? You know, those if us,(me), who think that they must help every person with their problems.

     I am the oldest child in my family, and therefore have always felt responsible for others. If I see someone in need, I think I must fix it, take care of them, help them settle arguments, make peace. I must tell you, its exhausting, and it usually ends up with the person or people being mad at me. Not what I intended, but an awful side affect of helping at times.

     In the bible it tells us in Proverbs 26:17-interfering in someone else's argument is as foolish as yanking a dog's ear.   In 1 Thess. 4:10-12-Make your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands. This way people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others. 2 Thess 3:11-13 We hear that some of you are living in idleness. You are busy not working but interfering in other people's lives. We encourage such people as by the Lord, to do their work quietly and earn their own living. Brothers, do not get tired of doing what is right. There are many more, 1 Peter 4:15-16, Exodus 23:1-2, Phil. 4:8, Prov 25:20-21, Prov. 20:3 and the list goes on.

     We, (I), need to learn to draw the line. To know where my business ends, and someone else's begins, and than stay in my lane.  This means that it is not my business if someone is having issues ie. negativity, gossip, denial, unforgiveness, lying, deception, addiction, inappropriate behavior, etc. Unless it directly affects me, I don't need to, "Interfere."

     You see I have for years tried to take on others problems and fix them. In doing so, I have created so many more problems for myself. I have been drawn into arguments that were not my business, battles that were not mine to fight, ugly gossip that has hurt someone else, and the list goes on. I am not proud of these things, I just thought I was helping, lending a hand, showing someone what was right.  Well this backfired on me more than once.

     I have been learning, and a hard lesson it has been, that what other people choose to say and do is their business.  Its not mine. Their problems are just that, their problems. That the choices they make they have to own. What is mine? My decisions, my behaviors, my problems, my feelings, my happiness, my sadness, my choices and my inner messages. I have the ability to love, care, nurture, dream, hope, deny, and forgive. I do not owe it to anyone to allow them to have any control over these things, just like no one owes it to me.

     I am working on developing a clear sense of what is mine, and what is not. If a problem is not mine, I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to cross a line and try to make it mine. I can deal with my own issues, and be responsible for my own choices. I can ask for forgiveness where it is needed, give forgiveness, and live MY life. Whew!

     Its funny how some people will react to you start drawing a line. Some will become angry, confused, and sad because they are used to coming to you and having you take on their issues, but you see, you do not owe them that. You only need to take care of you. This doesn't mean that I will not listen if someone comes to me with problems, It just means that I have the right and the ability to say, sorry, not my circus, not my monkeys. And its okay to say no.

     I have been a people pleaser my entire life. This has made life feel overwhelming, and unmanageable at times. It's not a good feeling, and it drains me. I am slowly learning that I cannot fix the problems of my past because they are already done and gone, but I can change the way I deal with the future. That choice is to take care of me first. Its not selfish, its not mean, and its not uncaring when we do this. Its necessary. If we don't care for us first, we can't help anyone else.

     They tell you that when you are flying, you must first put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs, so that's what I am doing. I am learning it is okay for me to put on my oxygen first, than and only than should I even think about helping someone else. One day at a time, I am learning to draw the line.

     God bless each and every one of you as you learn to draw the line!!!

Finding Treasures in the Trials

    No one likes trials, yet no one can escape them. We can make a choice when trials come though. We can choose to look at the trial and feel down, defeated, just plain tired. We can let that trial cause us to become bitter, angry, or even resentful that we have to go through it.

    On the other hand, we could look for the treasure in the trial.  We can choose to look at what good is coming from the trial we are going through. Maybe how we can learn and grow from it. What lessons are we getting, and maybe what blessings. Of course, it truly is up to us.

     Right now we are all living day to day not knowing what's coming. We are ordered to stay at home, only go out for necessities, and to stay away from others. This is really hard as we are social beings by nature. We are not designed to always be locked away and alone. This causes depression.

     One thing I have noticed since this whole thing started, (hint: here is a treasure), is more families are spending time together, getting outdoors, working on projects, and some even just having fun making videos. That is amazing. They, we, have all slowed down and begun to connect as families again.

     The other thing I have noticed is that the skies are clearer, the pollution is minimal, and nature continues to do what it always does. That's reclaim, heal, and participate in its normal activity of spring.  Wow. What mankind could not do while watching our world become more clogged and congested, mother-nature (God), has done with this virus.

     We see people really caring about others in different ways. Neighbors helping elderly neighbors out by shopping, checking on them, making sure older family members are cared for. It is like it was when I was growing up. People caring more about others than themselves. The way it should be.

     Now that isn't happening everywhere, but in most places.  We are finding one thing that is bringing us all together. We are all fighting one enemy. We are not being selfish, and we are reaching out to others. This is truly a treasure beyond measure.

     Now my question is, Can We Keep This Going?  When all of this is over, and yes it will be quickly over, can we continue to care for one another, our neighbors, and our world? Can we care about nature, the wildlife, and the beauty we take for granted all the time?

     I'm praying that we can, and in the coming weeks, I hope to see it be true. I know in my family, I will never take for granted the freedoms we all seem to have. Let us come back together as fellow Americans. Let us love one another, care about others again, and care about our freedoms. Most of all, lets give THANKS, to our all mighty God and the healing He alone can bring.

     God bless you all. I pray for peace during this time. I pray that you have a blessed week.