Moving Forward

"Bretheren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,"  Phillipians 3:13




     Today would have been my fathers 67th birthday. He is celebrating in heaven instead of here on earth. My heart feels a little empty spot because I didn't get to compete with my siblings to be the first to tell him happy birthday today.  But dad wouldn't have wanted me to be dwelling on that, instead he would have me thinking about the things that are more important.

     The most important thing to my dad was always family. He would bend over backwards to ensure that everyone had what they needed, even if it meant he went without. That's just who he was. He liked to think about what heaven would be like so he would say, "we should practice unconditional love here, so we would be good at it when we got there." 

     Well, moving forward is not always easy. Especially when we lose someone so important in our lives. A father, mother, grandparent, uncle or aunt, sibling or child. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in that time, moment, or sickness. We can't seem to find the drive to move forward. This is what has been on my mind this weekend into today.

     Have you ever started a journey you just didn't feel you could finish? Maybe it was a hike up a mountain, a workout, a diet plan, or whatever. You start out feeling strong knowing you are going to finish it. Than somewhere along the way, you begin to tire. You feel like the task or path before you is just to big.

     You find yourself far from where you wanted to be, and far from where you started. You can't imagine going back to where you started, and your not sure you can make it to your goal.  My goal this year has been 2 fold. I wanted to recover, and I wanted to find peace and joy before the anniversary of my fathers passing. Doesn't seem to hard, but let me tell you, I felt like I was running a marathon and I was exhausted. 

     I was trying so hard to just get over my dad's death, to return to before. Before his diagnosis, before his treatments, before his sickness weakened his body, and made him helpless. I thought if I could just return to before, I would be fine. The problem was, before would never be again. I could not travel back the way I had come. The path I had traveled was no longer passible. It was covered, destroyed, gone.

     I was left with only one choice, I needed to move forward. But how? How do you move forward when there is no path, no map, no compass to guide you?  After wandering in the wilderness by myself, I finally realized that all along, I had a guide. He was just waiting for me to look forward. To want to proceed. To follow the path that I needed to take, forge ahead, blaze a new trail. It wouldn't be easy as there were obstacles in the way, but He assured me that with His help, He could get me through.

     Sometimes I wanted to just turn around, quit, give up, but He was always there leading me on. He would speak gently to me, encouraging me not to give up, to fight on. I would sometimes find myself in a valley that looked like it had only sheer rock cliffs on either side, but He would guide me to the hand hold, to the next step, a path where none existed before. He gave me a helper to walk through this journey with me. My husband.

     Just like in rock climbing, its always important to have a partner that can help when you are struggling. My husband was that person for me. Along this journey, we have grown so close. He is my one and only best friend. Yes I have other friends, but only one best friend and that is Ed. He would listen while I cried, lift me up when I felt I couldn't go on, and yes, yell at me when I needed that extra push. He was my cheerleader through this battle.

     He has loved me and shown me that moving forward, while at times very painful, is exactly what I need to do. There is so much to look forward to. I have a beautiful family, a true blessing from God. I can't imagine my life without them all. I have good friends, who listen when I need to talk. I have my health, real health for the first time in years.

     So, would I say moving forward is easy? NO!  Is it worth it? YES!!!.  Recovery is possible for everyone who truly wants it. Moving forward, continuing when you feel you can't take another step, getting to that place you really want to be at, is possible. Its hard at times and I want to give up but let me tell you, where I am now is so much better than where I was.

      So as it says in the verse above, let me not look behind, look back, but to move forward. Look to what God has given me, blessed me with, called me to. Will it be easy? No but I am not afraid. I move forward in bold confidence that God is with me every step of the way. And when this journey is over, I will see my loved ones on the other side.

     God bless. Have a Great Day!!!