Conquering Grief one day at a time

Running into hardships in life and grief when it comes is extremely hard. The pain is so hard to describe that sometimes it is beyond words.

    You wonder why God would allow this to happen. Why would he allow the pain that comes with the loss of a loved one. Why would he take you so far out of your comfort zone to the point of feeling like your going to break.

     So I must ask myself," is the pain He is allowing in my life right now stretching and growing me in a way that He can use me to His Glory tomorrow?" 

      Its up to me to decide if I am going to allow my grief to crush me or will I choose to have faith and hope. Will I allow God to stretch me to my limits without losing the faith that I have had and has grown over the years?  Will I choose to acknowledge the fact that faith and hope go hand in hand and in order to have one, I must also have the other.

      When my hope is low and I feel like I can take no more, it is faith that steps in and builds me back up. Just as when my faith is low, it is that hope that I have in my savior that allows me to hope that things will change for me.

     I can rest with the deep assurance that God is my source of hope and that through Him I will have the hope and faith to make it through my grief.  I must trust that if I just allow God, he will continue to build my hope and faith in my life at this time of grief. I pray that in turn, God will find that I have a greater capacity to be used for His glory while I minister to others during their time of grief.
     I must always remember that during this time of stretching, pulling, pain and re-shaping, God will have a greater ability to show His divine power through the people He places in my life. It's in this way that others are used to bring His Glory into full view. People can then see His work in and through others and eventually myself.

       I just need to be willing to allow this stretching to take place. Allow God to take me and show me things that I might otherwise never see. To learn from it so that later He can use this to first of all, bring Glory to Him and secondly, to allow myself to be used to help others as God leads me in my ministry.

    So I leave this post with this verse in mind, 2 COR. 1:3-4. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
Father, its hard to say thank You at this time in my life, but I do. Its hard to see that you are working through this grief and pain. That you are working to heal my heart and strengthen me for future ministry. I didn't ask for this, I didn't want it. I want to scream and turn from it, but I am learning that You did not allow this to happen to punish or hurt me. You allow it to grow me. Help me to be a better person for it. Help me to, at the end of this, be a stronger and more compassionate person towards those who are struggling, no matter what their situation. I love You Lord. AMEN!!!

Fighting Grief

   So my father passed away at the end of May. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I had just gotten my father back in my life. He was unable to have a relationship with me for years because of my step-mother. I only had a few short years of having him back in my life. It wasn't long enough, I needed way more time. I needed more time to re-connect with him. I needed more time to have him in my life and for him to get to know my children because he was never there.
    So I am doing a bible study to help me get through the grief. I have been struggling with a lot of things. Sadness, depression, anger, and grief. It has been hard to even live my daily life at times. Sometimes I just want to give up. I want to just say forget it. I will never be happy again. And then, I remember that God knows exactly what I am going through. God had to let his Son die. He had to go through all of the grief and hurt that I am now experiencing. He has been where I have been. He has walked this road. So even if I feel like I am alone on this journey, He is always there.
     So what I have learned so far is that grief is a journey we can only make alone. Although other family members are grieving as well, their relationship with that loved one is much different than what yours is. So you may be traveling along a similar path, your journey is yours alone. The last 2 months since dad passed away have been a horrible ride. I am usually a happy, positive person. since dad passed, I have not been that way at all. I have been angry, sad, depressed, scared and hurt. There have been moments of happiness. Moments when I felt some small sense of the person I once was.
     My bulimia has come back, I don't want to work, I just want to stay at home. But I have a God who is healer, friend, brother. I am trying to press deeper into Him. I want to survive this journey. It isn't easy I know, but when I come to the end of this journey, I know I will be stronger, better and hopefully have the experience behind me that would allow me to help others.
     I love my family and I want to change the path I have been on so I can be a better wife, mother, grandmother, daughter and sister. The person God created me to be.



     Dear Father God,
           I thank You for your mercy, grace and love. I know that You are always there for me. You lift me up when I can't even walk. You are the One who has been by my side even when I didn't know who You were. You have taught me what it is to be the type of person I need to be. Given me the strength to endure all that I have been through in the last few years. I thank You so very much. Thank you for all the blessings you have put into my life. ~~~~~~~Amen~~~~~~~~~
 

Change of Season

     Once again I have found myself in another season of my life. They come and go just like the seasons. I am in a new season, one that finds me traveling in a different direction. It is strange to think that I am moving away from the known and walking towards the unknown.
     I am no longer working where I had been. I gave them 2 years of my life and realized that I was not really happy. I wasn't doing what I had gone to school for. I was working at a job making really good money, but I felt un-satisfied. A change was needed. So I started praying.
     I talked to my husband and asked him to start praying as well. I told him I would not make the change until we both felt at peace. We thought we were about 3 weeks ago, but at the last minute, my husband changed his mind. So we waited, prayed and had faith.
     we finally go the answer and felt like God gave us the go ahead. I turned in my 2 weeks notice with the faith that God was working. I was ready to see where God was leading. I found another job and started it last Friday.
     The new job will allow us to pay off all of our bills and will allow me to go back to school. I have wanted to do that since I graqduated. I am so happy that we stepped out in faith and God has blessed us in such an incredible way.
     It is easy to get in fear and doubt God. It takes greater faith to step out and see what God has planned.   And when we do, he can bless us greater than anything we could ever even dream of.
     I choose to step out in faith. Each and everytime, God goes beyond what I could have even asked for.

Affliction or Blessing

Affliction

1. a condition of great distress, pain, or suffering, something responsible for

2. physical or mental suffering, such as a disease, grief, etc.

How do you look at affliction? I think if you had asked me about 2 months ago, I would have said that it is exactly as the definition explains it. Its something bad. Not something I would even begin to call a blessing. So when I came across the verse I am about to reference, I had to really question this.

Is. 4:10 says, "Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."

So when put in this way, I look at it differently.  A silver furnace is the best way for removing impurities called Dross. It is designed to refine the most precious of things  and to remove the smallest of particles, but in this verse God says we are so much more important to Him that this means of refining is not good enough for us. God's refining purges us of our sins in a way even better than that of a silver furnace.

The Lord exercises His refining with wisdom and love. He cleanses us from the largest to the smallest things in our lives. Things so small we may not even know they are there. But God knows. He is good to cleanse even the smallest thing that might make us stumble.

During our recent trials, we were most definitely refined. There were times I truly felt that I would just burn up in the fire. That the refining He was working in our lives was much more than I could withstand. I would doubt, get in fear and cry out in pain. But like a good silver smith, My Lord new exactly the right temperature to apply to cleanse the impurities mentioned above.

I now see that He could not create in me,  the person he wanted me to be without me learning total trust in Him. I was still trying to do things my way and in my time. I had to learn that no matter how you look at it, silver cannot refine, mold or shape itself into something useful, and neither can I. I am not capable of doing anything on my own, but through God, I am capable of accomplishing things I could never even imagine. I have a choice to make.  I can either choose to be the dross that gets burnt off, or the silver that with time and patience, can be made into something strong and beautiful.

SO, I have learned that times of trial, testing, going through the crucible, are really just a blessing. It is a time of refining. Cleaning the impurities out of my life so that I can be that thing God is molding me to be. And this is a blessing! I am no longer that un-usable, un-bendible or un-moldible thing, but a person that God can mold and shape into something He can use.

Lord, Thank you so very much for the refining that we have gone through. Thank you for the strength that you have given me to endure some of the worst trials I have experienced in my life. Thank you for helping me to walk in forgiveness towards those who wanted only to hurt, destroy and defame us. You Lord granted us great victory. You showed us such mercy and grace. Help me to take this blessing Lord and share it with others. Let me walk in forgiveness, mercy and grace. Thank you Father for being who you are.

AMEN

In Christ Alone

In today's society, it is easy to place our trust in many things. We trust that we will have a job everyday, we trust in the bank that has our money, we trust in those who are in our daily lives, our health, friends even the president of the United States. But in an instant, all of this could be gone.We could lose our job, money, home, health and even family and friends. Where would that leave you???
In our small group recently, we asked the question, would you serve others even if it meant your life or the life of your family? The example given was of those who took in and hid the Jewish people during the Nazi reign in Germany. People made choices to harbor Jewish persons even knowing that if they were caught, they and their family would be killed. So I have been asking myself if I could make this choice.
When look at my family, its hard for me to say that I would do this knowing anyone in my family could be killed. That includes my grandchildren. And if I were to answer honestly, I don't know that I could.
Then the question I posed to myself was what if I were asked to deny Christ or lose my family? But I thought, if I deny Christ, wouldn't I lose my family anyway? I mean, wouldn't I or they be sepereated for eternity? If I chose to deny Him and then we all go on with our lives, wouldn't that in itself seperate me from Him?
I asked some others about their opinion on this and they said, if faced with either denying Christ or having your family killed, you could always say you did but not really mean it. Well, wouldn't that make us like Peter? He to was faced with a choice, deny Christ or be crucified or killed with Him. I am by no means comparing myself with Peter, but it does pose an interesting question.
SO??? What do you think? What would your choice be? Would you deny Christ, help those who were going to be sent to concentration camps, save your own life and deny His? Just wondering what others think on this. Please feel free to comment and let me know. I would really like to go deeper with this.
I don't doubt my God, His work or His abilities. I just pose this question in light of recent events happening in our world today where our rights as Christian's are slowly being taken away. I would not have known this if Rachel had not shared this on FB. Please look into it for yourself and be informed or I truly believe, the scenario's we saw in Germany could become reality here in the USA.
I will not place my trust in man but in Christ Alone.

Christ, The note by which my life becomes a symphony.

I have been singing since I first new I could according to my family. I would sing to entertain them and their friends. My grandmother would play the organ, and I would sing. I sang every chance I got.
As I got older, I began to sing at school. This is when I first learned that there were notes to music and that if they somehow weren't right, the whole song could be ruined. We have all heard it at sometime, a musical note thats off key, or someone who is off pitch. It throws off the song and makes what is meant to be beautiful, a little less.
The same could be said of life. God is the master musician. He writes the music. Jesus is the symphony leader. He plays the note by which every other instrument must tune its self. If you get off key ( out of alignment with God's plan for your life) you throw off your whole symphony. The music becomes jumbled and throws off the other instruments in the orchestra.
Once this happens, you become frustrated and no longer want to play or sing. I have sung the wrong words or note before. When I was younger, I would just stop and then cry. As I got older, I realized that the only person who knew I messed up was me. Of course my choir mates or instructor knew, but the audience had no clue. I could just keep going, move on from the mistake and finish the song.
I believe the same could be said of life. If we mess up, walk away from God or do something we know is wrong, most times the only one who knows this is us. This doesn't mean we get away with it, if we are walking right with God. It just means that it can be between us and our God. We can ask for forgiveness and continue on with our life with out skipping a beat.
Its when we get caught up in that mistake, embrace it, and acccept the lie that it is who we are, that everyone around us begins to notice. They see that we are not walking the way we should or they see the outward change. But this is not what God wants for us.
There are times in life when people come into our symphony to intentially try to mess it up. Whether it is because of jealousy, anger, hatred or simply because they choose to follow the lead of satan, it doesn't matter. We have a choice. We can give in and follow the wrong notes and play along with them, or we can do what we know is right. We can continue the song the way the Master intended it to be. You see, its our choice. We cannot blame others if we choose to go off key.
In the past month and a half, we have had others come into our orchestra and play some very bad notes. We could have followed because they played them very loud and very publicly, but we choose to continue to follow our God. He is the Master of our symphany. We follow His teaching and remember His notes. It is when we do this that we walk in real love. We allow forgiveness towards those who would try to throw us off key to walk out in our lives. It isn't easy but it is always the right way. We must forgive others so we can be forgiven.
God sent his son for our forgiveness so that we could live an abundant life. We could get on our knees, ask for forgiveness, and then move on from there. Its in this that we can let others know that there is a way. There is forgiveness and life. Peace and Love. Thats what God has to offer. He is the Composer of our life. We just need to decide if we are going to listen to His Son, and follow the music He has written for our life, or if we will listen to the devil and let him tell us we messed up and ruin God's song.

My Choice????   Keep on SINGING!!!!!!

What Life Gives Us

So we may all have our lives planned out perfectly. We are going to do this or that, go here or there, be this or that. Well that isn't always in God's plan. Sometimes we want to go right and He sends us left.
We really thought we had our life planned out. Kaleb was going to graduate this next year, Ed was going to get his BA, I was goint back to school for my RN. Well in an instant that has all changed. We have found ourselves with our raising our grandchildren temporarily. It isn't an easy task to undertake but one we know we can handle.
God promises that us that He will always be there to help us during the times we don't think we can handle whats been given us. It can be little or really big. He knows just what we need, just when we need it. We may not even be sure what it is God is asking from us. I just know that I can lift my eyes to Him and know that He is ever ready to help me.
I choose not to walk in fear but to boldly embrace what He hands to me. He is good to love me in my imperfections and show me that I am worth more then I could ever imagine. He sees my sins, my mistakes, my hopes and my dreams and He gives me peace. What a mighty God I serve.
More merciful, loving, kind and wonderful God is there? None but my Father God. He will always lift me up when I feel I can't go on. He will guide me through any problems I might face. LOVING GOD.